Sunday, June 27, 2010

Early Outward

Get up today! The sun is shining brightly.
Listen! You are the essence of my heart,
The goodness of life.
I invite you. Get up today!

Today is gone very quickly, tomorrow will come.
Please do not give up your hope
That we will have time to taste
Happiness and sorrow.

If you are the moon in heaven,
Show me your face as full moon!
If this is the season of summer,
Show me the rhododendron flowers!

On the mirror of the mind
Many reflections could have occurred.
However, the face of the beloved one
Cannot be changed.

If the heart has any pattern,
There can be no change.
Will the sun rise tomorrow?
It is useless to ask such silly questions.

Whether the sun arises or not,
I don’t make any distinctions.
My care is only for you,
That in your heart the genuine sun should rise.

If she is my dearly beloved one,
She should be called “One Who Has Stolen My Heart.”
The dance of apparent phenomena –
Mirage: is this performed by you?

When I meditate in the cave,
Rock becomes transparent
When I met the right consort,
My thought became transparent.

Dearly beloved, to whom my karma is linked,
I could not find anyone but you.
The wind of karma is a force
Beyond my control.

This good aspiration and karma
Are impossible to change:
Turbulent waterfall of Kong Me –
No one can prevent it!

When my mind recalls the dearly beloved,
There is no shyness or fear:
Majestic dakini that you are –
This must be my good karma!

By Chogyam Trungpa

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Weepy Doesn't Know

Why is everybody laughin'?
Weepy doesn' know
He jus' stan's there grinnin'
I guess he's kinda' slow
But Weepy don' get sore
Seems like he asks for more
Look at all them broken dishes
On the floor.

Weepy don' do nuthin'
There's nuthin' he can do
Sometimes he takes all mornin'
Jus' t' find his other shoe
An' hey goddammit, Sid
Lay off the poor dumb kid
C'mon Weep, I'll show ya'
Where it's hid.

He's so damned good natured
Jus' laughs an' takes his lumps
You never see him angry
'cept when he's croakin' gumps
But that's no big surprise
It's right there in his eyes
Looks like Weepy's found him
Sumthin' more his size.

Jus' like all these dishes
There's sumthin' in him broke
Don't guess we mean to hurt him
When we play our little joke
But the social workers say
He may have to go away
You ask him
I'll bet he'd like to stay.

-U. Utah Phillips

Monday, June 07, 2010

Drala and Shambhala Links

Western Mountain Project: http://westernmountain.org/drala.html

Shambhala Glossary: http://www.glossary.shambhala.org/

Shambhala Training (Wiki) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shambhala_Training#The_Four_Dignities.2C_Drala_and_the_Lhasang_ritual
Rigpa Wiki (drala): http://www.rigpawiki.org/index.php?title=Drala

Discovering Magic (from Shambhala: Sacred Path of the Warrior) http://www.escapefromwatchtower.com/dis.html

Spirits (Khandro.net): http://www.khandro.net/mysterious_spirits.htm

Shambhala Times:
Drala Walk (Eva Wong): http://shambhalatimes.org/2010/06/02/drala-walk-with-eva-wong/
Karme Choling Garden: http://shambhalatimes.org/2009/04/17/karme_choling_garden/

Urban Dralas

For my 3rd entry of the day I wanted to get into Drala. I googled it to see what’s available on the topic, because at the moment I don’t have my copy of Shambhala: Sacred Path of the Warrior handy, nor my notes from the training weekends available. The first entry that came up was an essay on Drala by the Western Mountain Project so I read a little more than half of that and then went out for lunch. Once out in the world the Drala games began very much of their own accord. I took a twenty minute walk spanning the space most NYers cover in about six minutes.

The sights abounded and to be honest I don’t recall experiencing too many smells, which here in NY can be a good thing. What I did experience most clearly was the sights and the sounds, and also how it felt inside me. In many cases it is the sounds that drew my eyes into the next experience.

A woman yelling into her cellphone, “I did not say that,” over and over. Then moving into, “If you want to put words in my mouth…”

There were plenty of traffic cops of the meter maid (pardon the sexist term), out on the prowl looking for tickets to give. One guy who had just parked and obviously in good spirits said he was going to play the badge number of the traffic cop.

She said, “It never comes out.”

I saw a $70 ticket taped up against a wall for a rogue sign observed chained up against a scaffolding for a massage/foot rub joint. A man popped his head out of the liquor store with his bright red, zigzag patterned button-up shirt to check out a passing lady.

Of course above all of this is sky. Today the clouds are nice and billowy, like marshmallows streaking slowly across a blue canvas. The city is alive to be sure. Is this the witnessing of drala? I think so. The world is so alive, everywhere. Another thing that came to mind is how much space there really is all around even in the hub-bub of this frenetic city. One area blocked off from parking littered across a couple of hundred feet made a wonderful pocket to walk along in the bustle. I couldn’t help but notice nobody else chose to use this wonderful gift of urban spaciousness. I guess they aren’t that interested in space. Which in a flash I realize is not so true because in the urban plazas people sit and enjoy their space. Maybe then it is the authoritative invitation to space that gets people to stop and be.

Let’s keep in mind many of the people taking a break in the urban plazas don’t seem to be fully engaged in their space as they chatter endlessly, fixate on cellphones, and chomp on morsels of food hurriedly.

Taking it slow did give me moment to say hello to a pleasant cop who had witnessed the screaming cellphone lady with me.

Now as I settle back into the indoor experience I reflect on the richness of what I experienced. In Shambhala we are taught not to take back our experiences like little trinkets bought at the store but to let them go. It is in that spirit I allow this piece to settle itself, and let go of it into the web universe like so many fragments of reality drifting away into the ether.

Intuitive Breadcrumbs

For my second stop on my blog journey I aptly chose Linda Hollier due to her being mentioned by Anthony Lawlor in the intro to his last blog post, and also because she retweeted one of my quotes last night. In keeping with my intuitive breadcrumb theory it made sense to arrive here next. I found a post she made on Integral Life about the Burj Khalifa , a building in Dubai which is the tallest in the world. Linda gives this building the expressions of a living, breathing being.

***Please Note: due to my rambling mind, and hunger to explore I jumped away from Linda’s post and never made it back there***

This immediately brings to mind the Shambhala teachings on Drala and Yun. Dralas are the elemental energies of everyday magic that arise out of situations, and are recognized when one stops their internal chatter. It also conjures up the work of Francisco Varela when he speaks of moving from the internal into the external in order to become in harmony with our experience. This is the point of creation when we are no longer trapped in ourselves but allow the opening to take place and see the greater cosmos.

A portion of his work is described as such in the following entry from Wikipedia:

“Varela was a proponent of the embodied philosophy which argues that human cognition and consciousness can only be understood in terms of the enactive structures in which they arise, namely the body (understood both as a biological system and as personally, phenomenologically experienced) and the physical world with which the body interacts. He introduced into neuroscience the concepts of neurophenomenology, based on the phenomenological writings of Edmund Husserl and of Maurice Merleau-Ponty, and on "first person science," in which observers examine their own conscious experience using scientifically verifiable methods.”

Varela talks about the interaction of the human being with their external world. This is the dance of life. As living structures we are alive, and always in concert with the physical world. Varela got the core idea of this interaction from the work of Edmund Husserl who developed a model to understand this interplay. I first came across this model in the book Presence where the authors discuss using the “U-model” to deep-dive into the space of intuitive knowing, and push out into the external world through prototyping and eventually institutionalizing the gleanings once processed through the act of seeing things as they are, letting this go, and then crystallizing the insight that is allowed to come.

In my enthusiasm to layout some of these concepts I have lost my original thread so I will backtrack a little bit to the first tangent I made which was the mention of the dralas. As a matter of fact I will leave this entry and start a new entry on Drala. It is time to go to my next breadcrumb.

Articulate Silences

Today begins phase 2 of my blog renewal project. I jotted down the names of people on Twitter I have come in contact in the past few weeks and will start to unpack their various blogs. I often see in blogging tips that an important component to having your own blog is to read the blogs of others. With this in mind I am beginning my exploration of the blog-o-sphere.

To start my journey I begin with Anthony Lawlor’s blog. On Saturday I put out a call for topic ideas to integrate into my freestyle rap session and he chimed in. His ideas were wonderful and I appreciated their arrival.

His tweet:
Topics @checkback : Unity in Diversity; Facing the Unknown; Living Bigger than Your Separate Self; Appreciating What Is...


This causes me to make his blog the jumping off point for my second exploratory phase and I begin with his most recent entry about Silence being the Real Secret. I once again knew I had come to the right place when I saw mentioned in the first paragraph another wonderful Twitter presence Linda Hollier, an Integral thinker living in Dubai who has fantastic insights.

This brings me to my first thought before I go into Tony's blog, which is leaving open space to intuitively follow our hearts messages. By following the breadcrumbs of life we find new spaces and experiences. Then as we pass through these intuitive spaces we should continue to be alert to the signposts along the way. By staying in the flow of our heart, letting ourselves go beyond the dictates of conventional mind. You don’t have to hold onto your intelligence like a wayfarer to a raft in turbulent seas, our existence needn’t play out so crudely. We can dance on the stage of openness to an audience of light-beings unseen and forever attentive. I don’t mean to sound so new age-y but I am only accessing the words as they arrive. I don’t fear the assembly of mind’s toy soldiers jumping around in the popcorn popper waiting for recognition.

The following approach may seem tedious as I go through Tony’s entry line by line but this is where I am in terms of approach. I aim to take the time to soak up the words and give my reflections on each striking thought. The entry gets going referring to being tired and alone, preparing for a dismal evening until with calm acceptance the power of silence enters into Tony’s mix. This is of note to me because I have often had similar feelings where meditation or just sitting silently has carried me out of a funk. I love the immediacy of settling that can carry me away from the ordinary pain of exhaustion or isolation.

Tony calls the one line bulleted statements Silent Sutras, and the first one talks of how at times silence speaks volumes compared to the accumulated wisdom, experience, and inspiration which can lose meaning. I’m not sure that these things actually become meaningless because it is these very things that bring us to our silence. They begin to rest and settle in the present and lose their outlying significance. No longer are they the solid tangible building blocks of being but become silent players in the settled space of contentment. This is a comfy place to be especially when you realize that this is all from an outgrowth of feeling tired, alone, and possibly having a dismal evening.

Tony’s 2nd silent sutra remarks that there is no physical silence, that even in an isolation chamber we hear the blood as it circulates in our ears. I am not sure I have ever truly experienced such a sound but maybe I need to listen more, or get myself into an isolation chamber and check out the sounds. No of course that is not the point at all. Tony likens true silence to the awareness of our thoughts, words, and actions. This is the centered being opening to the flow. I am brought to the concept of the witness. In spiritual circles we are taught to be aware of our experience and develop our watcher. By noticing consciousness, and the ever-present self that observes our world passing through us we begin to glimpse the centered being beyond thought. Of course there is the further stage of development where we don’t stop at the watcher but also need to learn to kill the witnessing altogether. It is taught in the books of spirit by many sojourners that there is an even deeper experience that exists past the witness entirely. Since most of us are not super advanced 40 years of experience black belt mediators we need to grasp into the fray with lots of little techniques and tactics to get to that ultimate and complete open space. It is good to get in there as much as possible but as any practitioner can attest we won’t have very much success trying to force it to happen. This is why there are so many forms of recognizing what is inherently an absolute expression of openness to being.

This is what Tony is referring to in the 5th Silent Sutra when he says silence is the groundless ground from which practices and creation arise. This is why it is beyond the comprehension of mind (#9). By finding the ever-present silence (#3) we connect to the spaciousness in between our thoughts. There is space everywhere. If there was no space we wouldn’t be able to breathe, and subsequently live. I marvel at the amount of space present when in tight quarters. Even in the rush hour commute sardined into subway trains there are pockets of space all around. All you have to do is look up or down and you begin to notice this. When people talk you can hear that it is the spaces in there speech that makes the words convey meaning.

I am going to leave this exegesis of Tony’s wonderful insights and allow you to explore the rest on your own. I found the words soothing and of value. I can think of no better starting place for my blog exploration phase than in the pocket of active silence this entry provided. Be well all.

***I hope I am not being too familiar in constantly referring to Mr. Lawlor as Tony but it flowed better in the rhythm of the essay so I stayed with it.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Reeling in Feeling

You are a fighter
I see it in your spirit
Tackling everything
Including me

You Crumble beside me
And it kills me to see
All of this hurt
Hurled back and forth
Like a Hot Potato
Cooking with pain

Remembering
You came to my side
When I became sick
You were right there
Bringing me back from the dead with kindness
So much so that I can leave all of this anger behind us

Written 4/15/02
Revised 6/6/10

A note on these transcripts

I am a bit shocked at the voluminous nature of the transcriptions from yesterday’s jam session with St. Mark and Sal. I am allowing the open world to be privy to the machinations of uncut mind. I don’t claim that what has paraded across my blog is of high quality, or representative of my potentials as an artist. What I am doing is maintaining honesty, openness, and a level of integrity that I hold myself up to. Contained in this onslaught of words is me. It may be parts of me I want to disown, or aspects that in the past I chose to hide. Most of us hide these myriad aspects of ourselves, and don’t spin it all out into the open, but I chose my name Pathrhino for a reason. This is my path and I must forge ahead. There is little fear in my heart that I can’t face and work with. I am poised here leaving my imprint on the Webverse. A long time ago I had an idea that one could approach their art slicing and dicing, only showing their best work, or they could jump in the furnace and present themselves as it reveals itself, and allow quantity to take over the matrix. I do this somewhat hesitantly and not sure of what impacts, and karmic propulsion I am working with. All I can say is like my celestial teacher Trungpa instructs us to “lean into the sharp points.” I also keep in mind the admonitions he gives us to be responsible as artists, careful not to barrage our audiences with our neurosis. As I look ahead I hope to strike a balance between these things and make my life come into the focus that is so much a part of my future road. Those of you who will discover and stay with me I thank you for your companionship on the lonely road.
As for everyone else out there I am happy to wish you well. I feel good about where I am in my journey, even if I can’t say I am happy with the words that sprayed out of me yesterday. The thing that can’t be denied is the release that I felt yesterday, and the intuitive steps that my heart keeps telling me to take. As a formerly stifled creative I will be coming out of my turtle shell in varied ways with pep in the step. So take these transcripts with a grain of salt. I am not here to assault you but allow myself to be the Self that I strive to be. I have allowed this world to stifle me, and muffle my cries of pain. This is a situation that I am finally adult enough to strike from the gameplan. So please fell free to join me and voice yourselves in the process. I am open to whatever people have to say, and look forward to the dialogues that I am sure will soon develop.

Jam Session Transcription (part 6)

… Used to live in the basement
With that little ass window didn’t even see the sun
Used to … (instrumental break)
Madison Avenue got us looking for all of this (2X)
Better, bigger, stronger, new, improved
Give me your money, I win and you lose
Madison Avenue got us looking for all of this
Madison Avenue
I be like the slogan shogun, you know son
When I run this game n’ now running across the track n’
Hanging with the crackheads I always got my back in
This is a backbone that means community to them ain’t …
… out of the culture a vulture running around
Like a dog named Doug in the rough, Wow I like to see the trees
But … of the disease, right there now brought up in the freeze tag
Like I was playing TV tag, red light (3X) and the green
Full head of steam locomotive, burn your votive
… Wondering when I’m ever gonna get …
Knocked a couple teeth out … but I paid for that now and I’m feeling the pain
It’s anger and it’s words, I got to get relief
… I got to be released …
The Common denominator, who be the bomb in the greater?
That’s the way they do it and the heads when they come in to play the
They think they Big Pimpin’ saying that you be fibbing
But you hating that’s why you …
Westborough and the Baptists they don’t got no love for that kids
But I say they got to rise above this now
Discovering the hovering, there’s real people in every religion
… so I got honor them no matter their affiliation
If you’re an affiliac Mukyo, what are you saying? …
People don’t really have to do all these things
But that’s okay, break through all these stings
It’s just feedback that happens so I change my angle
I’m singing in Egyptian but I don’t walk like a Bangle
… wrangle on my feathers, don’t wear a cowboy hat
How many Presidents are from Texas?
Is it the money with the oil? Is it the lye?
That be in there when you making up the soap
How you going to come wash your mouth
That’s the thing you’re talking about, that’s so wild
A chip off the old block, a daddy kind of apple
What you want to do? You want to wrestle when you grapple
MMA eh? UFC see! What do you want to be, be?
That’s all right free … I got the beast on my back
I’m just a mercenary killer from Kellogg Brown Root
I’m hanging very hectic, Halliburton’s clean up the world
… Who got the golf tournament? NBC? … privacy
I need a payday, green is profitable you know
Building up these buildings, and they building what they sow
… Baba the Nagas, smoke a lot of ganja, straight from the chillum
What we gonna do? The interspaces …
Get to the bottom of this hit off the waters

Jam Session Transcription (part 5) ***explicit***

That’s why, why, they always picking on me
I don’t understand it that they say that they’ll be real
Your truth … part of your inner asshole
That’s why you want to live in a castle
Hanging with the vassal …
Storytelling … in the interspaces of reality
The dream comes back and it never really leaves
I’m taking all these pages like I’m taking off these reams
Make a bed out of it, out of nettles when I’m hanging
What I’m doing … I feel enslaved and where is my freedom
Like Rudolf Steiner said this is philosophy that comes intuitively
Thinking at the Bringing of disaster
Look at angels on the wall of the plaster … any type of back-up
If you want to be the … be the slave and the master of your own self
Of your own self, of you own mind time
Where are you now? Chronicide, killing time
Climb out of your little fucking box and
Feel it right now … frontal lobotomy with a bottle in front of me
Feelings I don’t know and they keep on dunning me
I owe money but I still deserve respect
They take it out of me beheaded like they lost my neck
What do you want? (2X) …
Can you give me money? Because I got to pay these checks
‘Hoe-ing for a system that lost it’s love
‘Hoe-ing for a people that don’t even care
And don’t respect the dark and the pieces that they turning
That’s why we’re caught up in arsons when we’re burning
Who started the fire? Who started to hire?
Where we going now in these corporate courses,
Wire to wire type of backing in the faction?
… I hear my calling … where’s my stall and feeling warm in?
… never be stalling in the rat race, race horses, race mind
And they now ready to toss us … death of the widow
That’s all right, I’m never getting rid of them
… consequences … feeling now, looking cross when it dispenses
Like vending machines in the Coinstar machine
… contaminated, I feel it now it’s all been cut up …
Cigarettes … my momma started cigars
I be like damn what are you doing?
… it goes far, when you’re on a budget
You’re brought up in the sludge ‘n
I break out of the Bronx and ended up cooking up in Brooklyn
I shook men with my boys from the other side of the coast
I right there now eating it up like a pig roast
But I’m vegetarian, scary and I’m hairy ‘n
That’s right now and I rhyme like a Rastafarian
When it’s suited … (2B Continued)

Itunes picks for Melsidwell

Silversun Pickups
Maps – Yeah Yeah Yeahs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIIxlgcuQRU

Hooplas Involving Circus Tricks – Say Hi to your Mom: http://www.last.fm/music/Say+Hi+to+Your+Mom/_/Hooplas+Involving+Circus+Tricks

Geraldine – Glasvegas: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMNNDINCFHg

Transistor Radio - The Helio Sequence: http://www.ilike.com/artist/The+Helio+Sequence/track/Transistor+Radio?src=onebox

Keane
Starlight – Muse: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pgum6OT_VH8

Lazarus – Porcupine Tree: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hRYDJpitQ8

Bluegrass

Down in the Swamp – Bela Fleck

This Lonesome Heart – Yonder String Mountain Band

Trials and Troubles – Old Crow Medicine Show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12N_iD1lC7k

Hero of the Day – Iron Horse: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzPPmuFUicc

Jam Session Transcription (part 4)

I like to have a good laugh just like the next man
Stick my neck out like a giraffe with the vexed plan
But I understand that some people they got cruelty in their hearts
And they don’t got love and they like to do it at the expense of others
Ignorance is defiance of your own self, torrential downpour
And it comes on other shores it’s
And all these sycophants …
But that’s all right, that’s behavior that’s abhorrent
In this labyrinth you got to act it better than you fathoming
This is something that be happening
I know you gonna do better, yapping it
… Kind of trapping and you having fun at the expense of others
Your brothers, your sisters, and the mothers
That’s not the way you gonna do it and discovers
Like Christopher Come-bust-us
And you lost in the train
Feeling it and play other people close, lost your brain
Getting in their way and you don’t maintain
There’s a flame in your heart, and you got to get bigger
You got to use your mind, the way to start figure
Not like a trigger, your violence don’t help you
That’s the truth … it’s nothing
But your there fronting … damaging
In the sorrow at the expense
What you gonna do erect another fence
In a gated community the doom that we have
That’s why you sit with your knife when you stab
The gift of gab can be used in so many ways … better
Let’s use the sutures put together when we settle
That’s what we do when we grab it and try to acquisit-
But I tell you man you got to break past it
The passion that I’m asking open up all the sashes
It’s the Fashion Avenue one everyone looking to
Yo I’m walking from coping and I said
yo I’m away from the dope and all the placements
I feel yo like graffiti walls when they deface this
It’s the selling myself short my mind when it gets caught
Damage and sorrow in time when they try to borrow
It’s like another loan, first they give ‘em out like it’s going out of style
Then they turn it around, and treat you like a child
… What you do emanation, my manifestation
Is a type of interpretation, that anything that T-I-O-N
And when I’m firing, I don’t obey the king ‘n
Never be singing against the siren, alarming
At times I be dormant but other times I’m funkin’
When I spoken, yo they choking form out of their cloaking
I’m there right now beyond ordinary hope ‘n
Ah yes, I got belief and more, they think that …
Gonna see coming right … trapped in the lost
I want to be free, humanity’s free
If you’re not in the court then why you testifying
If you’re not in the line then why you always fired
What you want to do? Your retirement is needed
Any type of … in the seedling in the fertilizer riser … Times Square
… it’s the corny nasty stuff that I could never really ask for
but you right there saying that’s all about the asphalt
… When I bust it before I hit the expression I hit ‘em with a lesson
They messing up my hair, they messing up my dome
They guessing that I known like I’m acting like a clone
But I got another poem that you hearing and I’m tearing
Away from the pain that’s driving me insane
I came here now, I had know-how
When I showed up now when I played your bluff
It’s a world series of poker painting the casino
Can’t be a fiend though
Win a little have some fun, that’s enough for me
I don’t want the world you can keep your billion
Rather earn it anyway and when I have a little something
Made a little for my children, and I’m loving,
And it’s okay if I lose it all in one day
That’s okay man I got another way
If I want to … Foreman name me Yuri
This is the rhythm and this is the …
That’s why you see more than what you seem to heard
That’s why you looking 360 all the time …
North west south east, so many directions that you must see
… back home … what you be doing when you reaping what you sow
Choking your mind … let it all in the door ‘n
Need a little building … immersed … science it’s defiance
… like it’s coming out my kitchen
That’s right man you can hear it in my diction
It’s science fiction, it’s turning real
That’s why, why, why?
Shaking in my mind like a slippery eel
I be looking around trying to get mass appeal
… audience … it’s catharsis … if it’s not real need a new one
It’s bigger than me now and my next next meal
What I feel it in my stomach, phased out when they done it
But now we gonna run it away, and paragon …
This is a new paradigm
Understanding, demanding, we’re handed a scam ‘n
We’re landing the words but now we coming through
From the earth it’s the birth, the children in the playground
To the old folks geriatric up in the senior home
That’s for all and leave ‘em in the middle that’s why
Now it’s a riddle for the … like a koan
There’s no real answer it’s got to come right from the experiential self …
(to be continued)

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Jam Session Transcription (part 3)

Looking for reality that’s bigger than myself
Yo, looking for a path that takes care of my health
It’s like, yo I’m forty years (old), never even knew I would make it here
But now I’m liking life and saying I want to keep it oh yeah
That’s right, I be like sixty, seventy, eighty, ninety-nine like Wooden
Busting up and staying good in
It’s my life I don’t care if I got to right it
I want to turn it into gold like my name was Midas
Put it together, not too loose, not the tightest
Find diversity forming unity
Pursuing … stay away from the fiends
Portals in the mortals but we caught up in the birth of …
Bugging from the media when it heats in your brain
Can’t you see it Carolyn? It’s driving you, it’s insane
Jack Daw 841 gave me an idea
Communitas we got to see catharsis
Breaking from the pain, manatee’s progression
Lost in this now, I don’t find it in recession
Blessings at this church lurching not knowing the Bible …
Caught and I’m lost, and I’m hanging on the reef

Jam Session Transcription (part 2)

Words are like birds when they move through your nerves
It comes through your synapses like it lapses back
Into thoughts when you get caught in the reverie
Times … tell you that you got to get back into the now
There’s a reality, the spaces in between
And feeling like you lost another submarine dream
Caught in the depths you wept
Woke up with an angry kind of disposition
Clowns were laughing at me
Nobody understood I had to get to school
I had to get there on time
I got to graduate, man I’m fifty and I never had a degree
Dial three hundred sixty don’t you see me
Passing all directions and I feel like I’m growing teeny
Tiny, behind me is all of this pain
I can never be … it rides in my brain like a train
They say forget about it, get back into the now
But I’m caught up in this and I’m bumping know-how
All these things I do, ( I) had to do
But it seems like I can’t get out of it, and never stay true
It’s another lie they got me trapped in my rap
But I’m there taking all the same stupid crap
Even in this office now, yo they bump me off and how
And what me gonna do, they want to use it in a way
That they really fool, another fool
Yo they watching they surveil
I see them on my tail
And their crazy … like hail
I’m falling on the pavement
Like a crane when it’s dropped
I feel like scaffolding got socked
What we going down, up and down Dow Jones
I feel like I’m acting like another one of these clones
When I put on my suit and think I’m oh so cute
I got a nice haircut and I’m real real clean
I’m kind of Liberal in the thinking but I play it Conservative
So I can have my American dream
I ate a lot of petroleum out of my car
And here I am now with the ink of my tars
And the tar baby washed up on Pensacola ocean
This whole community’s being displaced in the commotion
Erosion of all the fish and supply
You think there was lead in it, now it’s causing you to die
I went out my fallout shelter to see if it was okay
Radiation’s running through my mind everyday
Bombed on me like hydrogen, atomic when it’s blown
Hiroshima, Nagasaki, the hockey I be watching
But I lost my … caught up in the … YO!

Jam Session Transcription (part 1)

Jam Session Transcription (6/5/10)
… Now I’m kissing on the mike
like a little lady telling me that (I’m) acting so crazy.
Finding community blowing up in my mind
I feel like the Gulf is going to oil, boil my fish dinner
The birds were hanging in the sea and then they got overtaken by petroleum
It’s attack of the British and they got no love
Hanging with the boys it’s the colonists
I’m getting pissed off once again
I said they don’t want to mess with me, you know my friend
I got off the picket line
Brought my art from the heart
Start it now its progress yo I gots to do my best
Yo, Rest when it’s needed
Heeding in the calling of the catharsis
In the riding in the races of the horses
it’s wild the style yo child
It’s the sorrow that they borrow with the mistakes of mortals
It’s the portals of humor, It’s the way it happens in the loudscape
Screaming on this now from the top of my fire escape
Out on the rooftop with my tongue drop
Can’t afford the dentist
I heard they’re reforming on my healthcare
When they dare
Make fun of me if you think it’s funny g.
But you’ll have more fun if you make it with me
Hanging on the rhythm and my job went overseas
I was back on the picket line … through the heart
Moving through this now, progression like a dart
I was hanging in the park getting drunk every night
Wondering why I’m acting so damn wrong
It’s a song in the lawn, communitas
Is it just another meme?
Mistaken of the art I suppose it’s just another dream?
I get consumed (by) consumption
Like I act like lumpen
This is the truth but I lie when I’m …
Take-itta (X5) take it on down
(break)

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Riding the horse called emotion

A weekend came and went, and I left the blog alone for a few days. As the time slipped by I felt liberated allowing it to disappear knowing that come today I would mount the horse again and put forth more thoughts. The world is a genuine gift everyday and I am prepared to receive its offerings. Each moment is a brand new opportunity to experience the richness of life. I think of the happy go lucky, positive affirmations crowd and wonder if they may be muting their experience under the guise of optimism. I also worry about the miserable, problem-heavy, complainer crowd on the other side of the spectrum. I am not criticizing anyone here but I think of these two poles of relating to life.

The positive side has to maintain a cheerful attitude and stay upbeat. Especially if you set yourself up as a teacher or an expert in the field of positivity like so many personal development, and law of attraction gurus making the circuit do. These days every other person seems to be a life coach, entrepreneur guru, social media maven, or what not. At least that is what is bubbling over in the twitter crowd. Once you present yourself in this matter the dark side becomes hidden. Does this part of you get buried only to come up in other ways? Or can you really put enough of a lid on it to be happy and make your reality come to life trough positive thinking, and enlightened action. I don’t want to take anything away from these people but in the same breath I don’t wholly trust this approach. Or in the very least I don’t see it as my route of relating to the world. Anyone who has followed the explosion of this blog of late will know that I am one who likes to get a little messy and crack open my deep psych in the service of personal growth, and discovery.

I don’t feel right putting anything forward that doesn’t feel genuine and real. I am never going to conform to some critic’s version of reality. I want to make you feel something when I step up to the plate. I am not here to give you a false sense of warmth or security. I want to get into the eye of the storm and bounce around amid the turbulence for awhile. Then ride safely out of the mayhem, settle my wings, and breathe. I love the energy of revved up emotion. This is why I am drawn to the transformative nature of tantric and Vajrayana teachings. I want a spirituality that honors all aspects of the human condition, and transforms all situations into expressions of wisdom. I don’t need to manipulate reality like some future sailing svengali on a road to ultimate peace. My peace comes from being earnest, and gutty, lively and thorough.

I do slow down the furnace of my analytical mind on many occasions. I’m forced to recognize my tendency toward the intellectual and the logical, and push into the experiential realm regularly. If I allow myself to fall into the thought based method of existing then I fool myself and cheat my life of the being. I can’t do that and I set up things to counteract this tendency of mine. In the same vein I do honor my tendencies, and work with them as they are, never waiting for some future date when it all gets pulled together. In many ways I can stabilize my life, but I will never pull it all together

I am brought to mind about the growth processes of nature as discussed in the Havener book, Meaning: The Secret of it All, where we find that the true process of growth is always alive in the moment of now. Once a system becomes bound by rules and structure it ceases to be alive. The structure falls into obsolescence and shrivels up and dies. I take my cues from nature and see the dynamic nature of being. There is no time to be ensnared in the web of misery. No matter the circumstance there is always the possibility of applying more insight, greater effort, a clearer version of what’s real. Also the journey is uniquely personal so although we can give each other pointers, the real nitty gritty is done in the lonely individual capacity. I got a lot to offer, as do all of us whether we choose to recognize it or not. The catch is that we need to remain responsible in what we choose to offer the world. I don’t want to candy-coat experience and give everything a neat little bow, but I also don’t feel the need to burden the world with anymore misery and senseless complaining.

One of my biggest frustrations is in making real change on a global level. This world feels like a runaway train ready veer off track. That gets me upset. When I think of all the wars, famine, and horrors being played out everyday I become deeply saddened. This world has always been rife with misery and the stage seems to get bigger as we sail along in the information age. We can mentally zip across the globe and get newsbreaks about every corner of the earth. This makes the landscape seem smaller and in your face looking out into the social theater. This is where perspective is crucial to the ballgame. Let’s not get overly caught up in the affairs of others, but let us also not get too trapped in our little boxes.

We often hear about the need for balance, as if we are acrobats in a grand circus but don’t get too bogged down in these concepts. The things I am saying and doing, discovering and sharing will form in time. I do not want to rush their outgrowth or become overly psychological in my approach so I am going to let the keytap rest for now, and bid you adieu.